Every single time you found your way back into my life by convincing me things were going to be different this time, I believed you. I believed you every single time that you were going to better. This time was going to be different. It was going to be worth it.
But you played for a fool. Your words didn’t mean anything. Your words were nothing except for meaningless lies you used to get me back where you wanted me. You knew how much I loved you, so you knew that I would believe them.
And every single time I did. I believed your broken promises. I believed you wanted to fix things. I genuinely believed you loved me in the same way that I loved you.
And that has been the hardest part about all of this. The hardest thing in the world has been accepting that no matter how much I loved you and wanted to believe you, there is a good chance you didn’t feel the same.
Maybe you didn’t know how to love. Maybe you didn’t know what love was. For whatever the reason, you broke me. You destroyed me and took me down with you every single time.
So to me, that isn’t love. To me, when you love someone you will do any and everything to fight for them. You won’t lie. You won’t break promises. You will be with them everyday because that is what you genuinely want.
You don’t push away those that you love.
You don’t break those that you love.
You don’t destroy people that you love.
So I guess the joke really is on me. After all of this time, I truly believed one day you were going to change. I truly believed you wanted to be different. I believed with every fiber of my being that one day, love was going to be enough.
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Heartbreaking. Unfortunately I understand how you feel. Beautiful writing. Deep and heartfelt.