Don’t get me wrong, my family is great. They have been very supportive since losing my mom and there to have my back and help out with things whenever I need it.
But that doesn’t mean things aren’t different. That doesn’t mean my life hasn’t changed.
Things aren’t the same.
My mom was the one who was there for me unconditionally through everything. She knew what I needed when I didn’t even know myself. She made us a family. She made our house a home.
My mom made EVERYTHING better. Moms just know what to do and what to say.. (at least mine did).
It doesn’t seem like the same “family” without my mom. Something is missing and things won’t ever be the same. No matter how comfortable we’ve gotten with our “new norm”, it is still an uphill battle everyday.
There are still plenty of times that I find myself crying in bed thinking to myself, “things aren’t the same, I just need my mom.”
Big moments, hard times and the times to be happy aren’t the same without her. These things are a reminder that the most important person isn’t there to be there. My mom isn’t there to celebrate with me and she’s not there to pick me up when I fall.
We adjust over time to the hard things we’ve been through and the changes they have brought into our life however I don’t think we are ever the same after experiencing the death of someone so important.
Death changes you. It changes who you are as a person and changes the dynamics that are shared between you and the people in your life.
At the end of the day, we lost the most important person and it’s okay to admit that things are never going to be the same.
For more of Christie’s writing follow her on Facebook
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother
https://www.facebook.com/iamamotherlessdaughter/
https://www.facebook.com/Motherless-Daughters-153858391294874/?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/MyMomIsInHeaven/?fref=ts
Thank you Christie! Even though it sucks that we are in the same "club" without our moms here, it does ease the pain to know I’m not alone with the same feelings ! I lost my mom in June & wow has my life changed! I hate this new "norm".
Laurie, I’m sorry for your loss. That first year is SO hard. All the firsts. I lost my mom years and years ago, but you never stop missing your mom. How can we. There was a bond made that is unbreakable.
I lost my mom 54 years ago when I was 6 years old. Unfortunately it doesn’t get easier. There is always something that comes up that you wish you could show her or tell her. Being so young she missed everyone of my milestones. My mom was 7 months pregnant so I also lost my sister. Car accident.
Candi, I don’t know you, but I am very sorry for your losses. Not only did you lose your mom, but also your sister. I lost my mom I lost my mom 3 years after you did. You never stop missing them, that’s for sure. And even though I was a teenager when I lost my mom, I still needed her. I can’t imagine how hard it was to grow up as a little girl without your mom. My mom missed all my milestones too, and it was so hard. And I lost my sister to domestic violence in 1982. That was a tragic loss. I agree it doesn’t get easier, it just seems we learn how to live without them and it hurts.
This year will make 19 years for the passing of my mother! Things have not been the same. I was 18 when she passed and most family left my brothers and I without any support, I cared for them and we weren’t even able to attend her funeral because her siblings are selfish and ignorant.
You are right. Nothing is ever the same when we lose significant loved ones. I’m sorry for your loss, Christie. I too, lost my mom when I was young. I was only sixteen and I have lived my life without her. She never met my husband, saw my children, helped me grieve my two miscarriages, or saw her other children grow up. She never saw any of her grandchildren, or her great grandchildren. She also missed something that was tragic, the loss of our sister, her child to domestic violence. That would have broken her heart, it did ours. And she missed the loss of my granddaughter at just 14 months old. There are countless times I wished she were here. But I know one day I will see her again. And that hug will be memorable. Thank you for sharing your story and for telling it like it is. When people think we should move on, get over our losses, or a myriad of other things we’re told, it becomes clear right away that they have not taken the road of grief, or that maybe that’s the advice that they were given.
My Mom passed 5 years ago today. I will never be the same.
I lost my mom when I was 16 years old. I am now 23. I have a child of my own now that she will never get to meet. My mother died of a very rare, painful disease called stiff persons syndrome. We watched her deteriorate everyday until she ended up in hospice. She died a couple weeks before Christmas in 2012. She never got to see me graduate high school. I will never be the same after that. I have a older sister we are five years apart. We never really talked about it and it hurts because now we don’t talk at all.
I lost my Mama to aggressive, misdiagnosed cancer when she was just 34, I was 16 and had 2 younger siblings. That was 43 years ago. I miss Mama when I’m going through hardships but also when I’m on top of the world and want to share that with her as well. After she died, it took months to figure out I’d never be the same and I’d miss her for as long as I lived. Daddy died in 2017. It brings me some comfort to think of them as being together now, finally after all these years, but I miss my Dad a lot too. I was his fulltime caretaker due to the disease that robbed him of life, PSP, a horrible fate. I carry on, in part because it’s what they’d want me to do. Hugs to all you ladies in this unfortunate and hard club.
I hear ya’ Christie. It will be 32 years next month for me. Life has never been the same… We adjust and go on because we know that is what they want us to do, but life without your biggest cheerleader is hard…
I know how you feel. My mom has been gone 22 years and I still miss her comforting ways. How she would love to have met all her inlaws and her grandchildren.
My Mom has only been gone 6 months. I am so lost. Everyone says time I just dont know if I will ever be theme I was before she passed. She taught me about everything except how to live without her.
My mom has been gone for almost seven years..People say it gets easier, for me, I have hit found that to be true…The month of May is hell for me, my moms Birthday, Mother’s Day, and then the day she died, all within the month of May…
My Mom has been gone almost four years now and I still miss her terribly. Life is never the same after your Mom has to leave. I tell people that grief for your mother is like the tides. Some days, it is a slow, rolling tide that you can look at and be okay with and some days, it is high tide, and it will tear you apart!
I wish you all more days of slow, rolling tides and gentle, soul touching winds.
My mom died when I was only 11 years old and although it has been 28 years since that day, I still grieve her loss cause nothing was ever the same for us, life as we knew it ended that day and forever. Now I am a mother myself and I feel that I need her more now than ever. I am also more aware of my own mortality cause my children are the same ages my little sister and I were when she passed. She was the most amazing woman and such a loving mother. I also realize that nobody will love you like a mother. Wish I could pick up the phone and call her or ask for advice or just feel her arms around me. I talk about her constantly, I believe you really die when you are forgotten… I miss her every day…
I couldn’t of said it any better, it’s been nearly a year and a half since I lost my mama and I’m just not the same person I once was.. not only was she a wonderful mama, she was my best friend, we had such an incredibly close bond, we told each other everything and she would always help me and offer advice and just make me feel better.. she was really the only “close” person I had and the only person in this world I completely trusted.. nothing is the same and never will be, I just wanna pick up the phone and call her like old times.. and laugh, and do things together.. but I can’t.. I know she’s gone, but sometimes I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that she IS gone..I would of given her my last breath, and she would of done the same.. even tho u see it coming, nothing can prepare u for life afterwards.. I’ve changed so much and not for the good.. feels like a piece of my soul died with her and I’m so lost..
Never the same. Our mom passed in 2012 from pancreatic cancer. My younger sister was still in middle school, my brother had a baby girl who hadn’t learned to say grandma yet, I was 25, no children of my own yet. Here we are almost exactly 7 years later, in that time my little sister made homecoming court, attended school dances, graduated high school, my brother got married, bought a beautiful home, and watched their children grow. As for myself, my boyfriend of 13 years and I have had 4 children. I look at all these good times and just think of all she has missed out on and it still breaks my heart!!