No matter how much time has past, there is one thing in my life that continues to be the same- my feelings for you. No matter how long I go without seeing or speaking to you, time doesn’t seem to heal much at all. If anything, it just seems that the time apart makes my heart miss you even more.
I don’t know how you have this kind of effect on me. I don’t understand why it is so hard to put you behind me. I cannot fathom why it is so hard to let go of you.
I can’t possibly even begin to try and understand why I can’t just move on. It doesn’t make sense why I am fighting a losing battle every single day to put the love you and I shared behind me.
You have this hold over me that I can’t let go of. No matter how hard I try, the love just won’t go away. No matter how hard I try to remember the bad instead of the good, I just can’t seem to forget the passion we shared unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
I think about you often. Way too often if you want my opinion. I find myself keeping track throughout the day how many times you popped into my head over a stupid song or restaurant I drive by.
Everything in life seems to bring me back to you. Everything around me seems to have some sort of memory attached to you.
I want to move on. I want to be able to find happiness again. I want to be able to get through a day without missing you. I want to be able to get through a day without having the desire to call you and tell you about it.
Everything comes back to you. With every new memory, I am wishing I was sharing it with you. With every bit of good news, I am wishing I could text you. With every bit of bad news or struggle, I am wishing I could curl up next to you in bed and forget all of the bad happening around me.
I loved you. I loved you with every fiber of my being. And the worst part, I still do. I still love you more with every day. I still find new ways to fall in love with you even without you in my life.
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t shake what we had. I just can’t shake you.
It’s time for me to let you go. I know I need this. I know I need to leave our relationship behind. If only it was that easy. If only it was that easy to stop loving you.
For more of Christie’s writing follow her on Facebook